Got people in your life that don’t get things done? Why don’t they? Lazy? Procrastinator? Depressed? Maybe they don’t see that it is important. Maybe they don’t know how to do it right or are afraid of doing it wrong.
You have tried everything – nagging, raising your voice, threatening, bribing, allowance…nothing works.
How do you get them to do it?
Research has shown that the only external motivator that leads to internal motivation is praise.
External motivator = anything that you do to motivate others. Payment of some sort is the most used motivator, as is threatening to take something away.
Internal motivation – the desire to do it on their own without any external motivator.
Any time you use payment as an external motivator, the person will continually desire a payment to do what needs to be done. “If you clean your room, you can have ice cream.”
Any time you take something way for not doing something, they will do the work because they don’t want to be punished, not because they really want to. So, you have to keep threatening them to get the work done. “If you don’t clean your room, I’m going to take your phone from you.”
There are times when these external motivators need to be used. However, these motivators do very little to instill an internal drive for the person to do the task because it is the right thing to do. Most external motivators keep people from being responsible simply for feeling good about being responsible and doing the right thing.
The only external motivator that leads to internal motivation is praise.
When a person is praised for doing a great job, even if the job isn’t so great, they will not only move towards doing the job, but also begin to find some satisfaction in it.
“Great job cleaning your room! You are such a great organizer. I like where you put your books. That’s a great idea!”
Focus on what was done correctly and people will move in that direction. “Great job doing your best in school. I know you are smart and hardworking. You have what it takes to do well.” Even if you think they can do a better job, praise them for what they are doing and see what happens.
Again, there is a time and place for payments and punishments but try praise first. You can do it!
The Bible speaks much about speaking well and giving praise because it is very important.
Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body. Proverbs 16:24
Encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
See also: Colossians 4:5-6, Titus 3:2, Proverbs 15:1, 2 Timothy 2:24-26, Galatians 6:1, James 1:19-20, Philippians 2:3-4, Hebrews 10:24-25, Ephesians 4:29, 32, Proverbs 25:11, Proverbs 12:25
Notice what the people in your life are doing. Praise them for it. And they will slowly begin to do it on their own.
You have what it takes. God is with you. And we are here for you.
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